This is when the proverbial shit hits the fan.
What does a person do when they're staring down the barrel of the rest of their life? Be yourself, but conform... be ambitious, be hard-working--rip their fucking hearts out.
It's like standing on a precipice; on one side--the front end of 20-something--life seems long, leisurely, and the whole world is an oyster, so to speak. At the back-end of 20-something... life seems more rushed, the choices you make are more critical. No more mistakes; one slip could completely change the course of your life.
There's a frightful feeling to the unknown. I look at the next five years, and all I can see is a question mark... Not even a defined question-mark, it's fuzzy and foggy and I hope it is actually there, or my vision of the future would seem to be a dark hole--a void.
I've been pouring my heart and soul into making "something" of myself. Now define "something." It is a thing that is not specified or unknown. Why are people always using this word? Why would you want to describe "something" as myself? I already am "something;" unspecified and unknown. I could be a shadow in a dark room, no one ever sees me. No one takes what I have to say very seriously. That's where we roll back into the 20-"something."
That's the problem; that's what is so scary. What am I supposed to do if I'm at the age where I have to kick my career-plans into high gear, yet not quite at the age where anyone takes me seriously? Should I cut off my long hair and exchange it for a bob; change in my glitter nail polish for a nude pink? Maybe I can wrap everything that makes myself my own "something" into something "respectable." Now define "respectable." To be regarded by society to be good, proper, or correct. As far as I know, I am none of those things. Raised by a Boomer in a Millennial world; "cool" enough to have friends, yet different enough to only have five of them.
Now define "cool." Fashionably attractive and impressive. Define "different." Not the same as another or each other; unlike in form, nature, or quality. That pretty much describes it. How are people supposed to take me? I'm going to be at a job interview, sweating and praying that they pick me--me, above all the rest. That takes a "confidence" and "charisma" that I'm too young to possess. Too wet behind the ears. A rookie. A child. Define "confidence." Its the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. Define "charisma." To have compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others. Wow. That's intimidating stuff.
No one will shed a tear for me, I know this. No complaints here. Just "trepidation" about my performance; I "worry" about the course my life is taking. Now define "trepidation." Its a feeling of fear or agitation about something that may happen. Define "worry." To torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; to fret.
I am on the back-end of 20-something. Im Something Respectable. I'm Cool; I'm different. I have Confidence and Charisma coupled with Trepidation, and Worry.
So there's nothing to be afraid of.
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